Figuring It Out
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: It isn't until a demon hunting assignment in London where Grell gets seriously injured that William begins to question his feelings towards the red haired reaper.
1. Chapter 1

One of the things that William hated the most about the 21st century was the increase in demon activity. So many wars, natural disasters, homicides, and suicides made the death rate sickeningly high, but without death they would be out of business. The demons though he could fully do without. At the moment himself and five other reapers were fighting off at least ten of them. An abandoned looking little neighborhood in the depths of London where the poor and the junkies liked to hide out and struggle to survive, the demons loved the weakness these humans showed. It had basically become a breeding ground for the repulsive creatures. William had absolutely no problem killing them; they had killed so many reapers he had gone through academy with so many centuries ago, they had stolen many human souls meant to be reaped, and in the end they were as bad as the rats and cockroaches. The only problem that he had with this assignment was that four of the five other reapers were new, teenagers who didn't have a damned clue about what to do or how to fight. They looked scared, they were constantly off guard, and one of them was already injured. The biggest problem was that the fifth reaper had been employed just as long as himself; Grell Sutcliff. He didn't hate the red haired male, sometimes he secretly enjoyed him, even was fond of him...Not that anybody especially the red haired loon needed to know about that. His problem with him stemmed from the fact he was never professional and he was completely insane. He looked in the direction of the other reaper; he wasn't even dressed in their regulation uniform, but then again ever since graduation and his lovely little relationship with that red haired woman many years ago he hadn't dressed in regulation. Through the centuries though he became less and less professional with his attire and his style. He currently was wearing ill fitting black jeans, red boots, and a red t-shirt that rose up over his belly button every time he lifted his death scythe up into the air. Will and the elders had given up years ago trying to make him be appropriate. He would threaten to reap them and well...He never listened to Will.

Back to the current situation though; Will drove his scythe through the heart of a demon that was attempting to blind side him. The creature's red eyes widened in surprise, his clawed fingers thrashed in the air grabbing at nothing as he tried to attack the black haired reaper. He didn't retract the weapon until the demon's movements stopped and its filthy eyes rolled upwards, he felt a strange sort of satisfaction watching its body thud against the ground. He turned his attention back to the other reapers, he noticed there were only two demons left, and he also noticed he couldn't spot the new reapers he was forced to bring along on the mission. He did spot Grell though, he had one of the two demons cornered, that manic look in his eyes, and scythe in the air. What Will didn't manage to notice in time was the second demon quickly coming up behind the red head. The demon delivered a hard strike to the back of Grell's head knocking him off balance, his grip loosening enough that the cornered demon could take the weapon from his hands. Will moved as quickly as he could, he plunged his own scythe through the head of the demon that had hit Grell over the head. A loud cry of pain caught his attention; he looked to see the other reaper fall face first onto the ground, blood spraying the polluted London air. The remaining demon held the blood stained scythe in his hands, a proud look on his face before he went to stab the weapon a second and final time through the now unconscious man's back. The filthy creature didn't get a chance to finish off his victim, with a growl Will stabbed the creature through the heart, twisting his blade then pulling it out. The demon's body hit against the ground, the chainsaw clattered loudly against the road. Will knelt down next to the other man, gently he rolled him onto his back; his records weren't bleeding out; that was a good sign. The red head's eyes were closed, his skin felt slightly colder than normal.

"Grell Sutcliff wake up this instant, come on you idiot."

The other man didn't move or even twitch. He wasn't dead, Will had watched enough of his co-workers and apparent friends die to know that the red head wasn't dead. He was just injured and the blow to his head didn't help. He kept one hand cradled on the back of Grell's head, he could feel blood seeping through his glove. His other arm was gently wrapped around the other man's waist holding him up off of the filthy ground.

"Damn it wake up, if you die it's your bloody fault for acting like a psycho. Grell wake up, now."

What if he did die?

Immortality was such bull shit; you supposedly never died, but you did. He'd watched many immortal beings died, he just killed several himself. He wondered where the new reapers had run off to, how could they just desert? He knew they were scared and it was ridiculous the higher ups forced them to take the new recruits with them to kill demons, but that was no excuse to just leave.

He couldn't stop staring at his face; it was strange how many centuries he spent just being absolutely annoyed, disgusting, and enraged by this man. He didn't understand his love for the color red, he didn't understand his intense desire to have the body of a woman, his desire to some day have a child though it was impossible for their kind, and he truly didn't understand his deep infatuation with William. Through training he'd always been so wary of Grell, nearly scared of him; he had better grades, a short temper, and found Will to be more worthless than humans. Then all of a sudden he wanted him, chased after him, and seemed visibly fine with Will hurting him and cursing at him every single time. At the moment he couldn't grasp the idea of Grell going away, him dying. He couldn't grasp the idea of the red head no longer annoying him, chasing him, touching him, or anything ever again. Maybe he shouldn't have shot him down all of those times, was he really that bad?

He'd honestly considered it so long ago, but then the Madam Red incident happened along with his infatuation with that filthy demon who had played butler all those years ago. Those things had reminded him that Grell was crazy, he didn't understand true affection or love. He just latched onto anything cold, distant, and emotionally damaged; he only wanted Will because he was cold and distant...Damaged, but he didn't know about that because there was no reason for him to know about that. If he really cared then maybe after the assignment before graduation he would have asked if Will was alright, if the experience had screwed with his mind, but he didn't care so he never asked.

Would he care if it was Will on the ground right now, possibly dying?

He continued to stare at the man, his mind calculating in an attempt to make him not care. For once he couldn't do it, he could feel himself trembling slightly.

"Don't leave me, damn it you're the only person who hasn't died on me. Don't leave me. Wake up Grell, you understand? Just wake the Hell up already."

A weak groan left the other man's parted lips, the sound was faint, but it made Will's body relax considerably. After a moment his bright green eyes opened and focused on the black haired man.

"Heard you the first time, I'm not dead y'know...You don't have to cry."

His voice was weak, cracking slightly; he reached up an non gloved hand to Will's cheek lightly brushing his fingers against his skin. It wasn't until Grell brushed the stray tears from his face that he even knew he had been crying. He hadn't cried since they reaped Thomas's soul, he'd never had reason to cry, and he wasn't even sure how to react to it.

"Shut up, I'm taking you to the infirmary."

Grell gave another groan, more out of annoyance this time. He tried to move as if to show that he was perfectly fine and didn't need the older man's help. The movement made him give a weak little cry, he fell back into Will's arms.

"I don't need the infirmary, I hate it there."

"Your back is still bleeding, plus I really don't care what you want right now."

"My B-average worrying about me, I wonder why."

Will scoffed at the name he'd been given ages ago by the younger man.

"I'm not yours and I really don't need you of all people to die on me."

He didn't allow the younger man to question that, he ported them back to their own realm and to the entrance of the hospital. He carried him inside and told the nurse in the front room what had happened, the brought out a gurney for Grell. He sort of expected Grell to whine and ask him to stay with him, but he didn't. He had hoped that he would, he wanted to stay with him for reasons he didn't even fully understand. He told the red head that he needed to talk to the elders about the assignment; tell them that the others had ditched them and that Grell had been injured.

Once he was done with his report he considered going back to the infirmary, checking up on him. A logical part of his mind told him he shouldn't, it would be personal and not normal for himself. He also thought about how he could have lost somebody he didn't even really have, because he apparently never wanted him. He was starting to think that maybe he did want him though, at least enough that the idea of his death scared him; he had cried, William never cried. Maybe he wasn't letting himself know just how much the crazed man meant to him.


	2. Chapter 2

William arrived at the hospital early the next morning, possibly too early. The nurse seemed surprised to see him there at all; Will never showed up to see hurt colleagues. Everybody there knew the strange and mostly violent history between himself and Grell, so him showing up to the hospital early the next morning with clean clothes for the younger reaper seemed extremely odd. They were smart enough to not say a word to him, quickly averting their eyes when he would glare in their directions. He felt mildly stupid for showing up, he felt dumb when he entered the hospital room. The red head was sitting up in the hospital bed, the thin blue blanket pulled up over his legs. He was looking down at the white hospital gown with disdain until Will came in, now his eyes were set on the elder man, one manicured eyebrow lifted in silent questioning.

"I brought you clean clothes, they said you could leave today. You aren't as injured as I had thought and besides our kind heal rather quickly."

"You should know I heal quickly, you beat on me enough."

Will sighed, he sat the pile of clothes down on the bed next to the other man. Grell regarded him as if he were a complete stranger or a monster, he wasn't sure how that made him feel.

"You can sit"

The older man sat down on the edge of the bed, Grell continued to watch him, and Will was questioning why the Hell he had even decided to show up at all.

"I hate hospital gowns, ugh I look absolutely dreadful in white. Everything here is so washed out and plain and ugly, I can't wait to get home."

Grell flopped back on the bed, his long hair fanning out on the sheets. For a second William had an urge to play with the bright red locks, but the idea passed quickly, he was thankful for it to be gone.

"White really doesn't suit you all too well."

"Thanks for agreeing, I was hoping you'd say something a bit nicer." Grell sat up, he threw his arms around the older man's neck placing his hands down on his chest.

"Maybe something like; oh Grell you look ravishing no matter what you wear, my darling."

Will grunted and pulled away from the younger man's embrace.

"Since when do I say such idiotic things, especially to you of all people"

"Since when do you cry over me being injured?"

The older reaper remained quiet; when did he cry over Grell, in general. He was a lunatic, he'd be a harlot if reapers and demons alike didn't turn him down left and right. Maybe it was just because they had known each other for so long, there was no way in the depths of Hell that he actually cared what happened to the younger crazed male. The one who constantly threw himself at Will every chance that he got, the one who supposedly loved a woman then killed her out of boredom. He wasn't stupid enough to have sex with him and he wasn't dumb enough to romantically be with him. He'd just been scared to lose another friend, co-worker; everybody from their day was long past dead.

"You're complicated" Grell announced as he got up from the bed.

With no warning he removed the hospital gown letting it drop to the floor. Will quickly averted his eyes, he could feel his cheeks burn as he began to blush. He was blushing, he was so old he couldn't even answer what his actual age would be at this point, and yet he was blushing all because some mentally disturbed red head was currently getting dressed in front of him. This was ridiculous.

"Would you like privacy?"

"I like an audience, besides I see you blushing. It's cute."

"Shut up you loon."

He continued looked off to the side while the other man got dressed. All the while telling himself that he didn't care what happened to Grell, he didn't find his feminine looks attractive, and he had never once in their eternity together considered being with him. If he repeated it enough times in his own mind then he'd possibly start to believe it, seemed logical enough.

"You can look at me now, you know." Grell placed a hand on his cheek gently turning his head so he was now looking up at him. The red head's face was inches from his own, cat shaped eyes fixed on his face, full lips pulled into a smile that revealed sharpened teeth.

The touch definitely did not make his breath catch in his throat, it didn't make his slow beating heart stop completely for just a second.

Grell's smile widened showing more teeth, he pulled away completely looking quite accomplished over something Will didn't understand.

"Thanks for bringing me one of my skirts by the way, I thought you hated me 'pretending' to be a girl as you put it."

Will looked at the outfit the younger man wore; the black tank top and rather short red skirt. He had to say it looked quite fitting, right on Grell.

"I just grabbed some things, I didn't notice what I grabbed."

Actually he had spent a good fifteen minutes trying to find clothes that matched perfectly. He wasn't going to admit that or the fact that he'd always enjoyed seeing Grell in skirts and dresses.

"There's nothing wrong with my wanting to look like a proper lady."

"Since when are you of all people a proper lady?" Will asked giving the tiniest hint of a smirk.

Grell narrowed his eyes at the older man.

"You're an ass, you know that right?"

"You shouldn't insult me Sutcliff, I'm the one giving you two weeks off of work."

"What?"

William got up from the bed, he went to the door holding it open for the younger man.

"You were injured, I want to make sure that you're properly healed before you go back to work."

As they walked through the hospital Grell would give him confused glances like he was waiting for the punch line to a very lame and complicated joke.

"Will you've never given me time off for being hurt, besides I'm fine."

"I want to make sure, don't argue me about this."

Outside Grell pulled him off to the side, his eyes were focused on the older man's face. He was more than determined to see what was going on, he couldn't accept the idea of Will actually having concern about him.

"First you cry when I get hurt, then you come to the hospital early in the morning and bring me my favorite clothes, and now you give me time off because you want to make sure I'm alright. What the Hell is going on with you?"

He really didn't want to talk about this and he figured Grell would at least be smart enough to just go with it rather than argue and fight about the meaning of everything.

"Can't we discuss this later, even though there's nothing to discuss?"

"No, not really; I love you. I do, I have for a very long time, and because of that I accepted years ago that I mean absolutely nothing to you. So why is it all of a sudden you're doing things like this?"

"Don't you ever think in that small brain of yours that possibly I'm very sick of everybody I've known dying in front of me, that maybe I possibly would go bloody mad if you died next?" His voice came out a bit harsh, he felt confused and frustrated with himself and with Grell.

At least what he said shut Grell up, he seemed at a loss for words. William took the opportunity to port himself back to his home. He wanted to drink, read, and hope that Grell wouldn't bring this up again.


	3. Chapter 3

Everything lately appeared to be comprised of the question 'why?'.

Why had it angered and hurt him so much the day he'd found out about Grell's little affair with that red headed woman back in the 1800s?

Why had he become a bit protective and for a short time a little off around Grell after the incident of Alan Humphries dying from the thorns of death?

Why had he cried when that demon had nearly impaled and killed Grell?

Why did he get up early in the morning just to get the red head's best clothes and take them to the hospital for him to change into?

Everything was a constant why and it was getting on his nerves.

The most recent why was, why was he currently standing outside of Grell's home; currently knocking on his door?

He was half a second from turning and porting back to his own home, but the door opened revealing the red haired man. Again he wore a skirt, again with boots that were far from practical; especially considering as far as William knew he was doing nothing but sitting around his home. Grell looked surprised to see him, surprised enough to not even speak; he stood to the side allowing the older reaper into his home, closing the door behind him. The place wasn't large, none of the homes in their realm were very big in size. They both certainly had the money to afford lavish homes and designer things, but after a century or two you really just didn't give a damn about that sort of thing. He had to roll his eyes though at the garish red couch set before the dramatically large fire place, paintings of nude men and women decorating the crimson colored walls of the living room. He wordlessly sat down on the red and black pinstriped recliner that was seated across from the couch. He tried to pay no attention to the way Grell watched him, how cautiously he seated himself upon the couch like he expected a blow up or something else completely negative to take place any second.

"I came to make sure that you're alright if that's what you're wanting to ask."

"Of course I'm okay, we're Gods Will. We tend to heal, I still have a disgustingly large mark on my back, but I assume it'll fade."

The red head was too vain, he'd always had a problem with vanity. He'd hated the dress code of black suit and tie, because it was too drab. He'd hated having to keep his hair cut professionally short, he'd hated not being allowed to flirt with mortals and not being allowed to 'play' with demons. He'd hated being punished for having his affair with Angela and killing those women. The rules didn't really matter to Grell, they never applied; he grew his hair down to his knees, he wore heavy amounts of eye makeup and lipstick, he wore that horrid red jacket that had frayed many years ago, and now in its place he wore human street clothes. He always dared the elders to punish him, to make him fall from the grace of being a God, but he was trigger happy and honestly ever since school it seemed that they all feared the red head. Even William had feared him back when they were young; when they'd been paired to work together, when they had to share a dorm room together. He hadn't felt comfortable with the way the feminine and immaculate appearing male seemed to hate him, glare at him from across rooms. He had found him intimidating, dangerous, horrifying, aggravating, immaculate, beautiful, sexy...The denial of even mild attraction wasn't even working like he'd hoped it would.

"Will, hey are you okay?"

He met the younger man's eyes, he looked worried. If they weren't what they were, if William hadn't worked so hard to just be dead, because ever since Thomas' soul invaded his mind he realized that emotions were nothing but pain...If Grell didn't kill his lovers once he grew bored of them, then maybe he'd do something, or say something.

"Of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well you sort of freaked out at me outside of the hospital, then ran off before I could say anything to you."

Will looked away, he didn't really want to believe Grell was concerned or that he was capable of doing such things. His feelings weren't genuine; for God's sake he hadn't 'loved' Will until he beat the hell out of him instead of just allowing the red haired reaper to beat him up again.

"I don't see how my well being matters to you."

His voice was sharp, annoyed; it almost didn't matter that when he looked at the younger man he seemed a bit hurt by his tone of voice and his words.

"You know how I feel about you."

"No, I know how you think you feel about me. For God's sake Grell you've been alive long enough that by now you should know your own deranged mind."

"You're a serious bastard, you know that don't you? Why even come here if you're just going to treat me like shit all because I asked what's been up with you lately?"

When Grell got hurt emotionally he went right to anger and defensive nature, because it was safe. William tended to the same direction, so much and so little in common; both so stubborn. He couldn't help but smirk at the thought, Grell seemed equally pissed and confused by the bemused expression on the black haired man's face.

"Now what?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking you're nearly as arrogant and stubborn as I am."

"You do fully realize that you can just insult me at work, don't you?"

Grell sat back folding his arms across his chest, Will noticed the way his shirt rose up a bit over his stomach; the red jeweled piercing in his belly button glinting in the light.

"It's not an insult, it's a mere observation, and I didn't come here to insult you...I've just been a bit off lately."

The annoyance faded from his features leaving only the confused concern.

"What's wrong?"

"It's about us or more so you, no definitely you for the most part. I don't get how in Hell you're in love with me."

He felt frustrated, something about venting his thoughts out loud made him feel a tad bit more relaxed, but he still furrowed his brow in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I was nice to you all through academy, you beat the living shit out of me; you nearly slit my throat two different times. Then I refuse to take an order from you, I fight you back instead of allowing you to kill me like you surely would have and then suddenly you 'love' me."

"So what's your point?"

He honestly didn't understand it, he couldn't see what was absolutely maddening or ridiculous about this. Will was questioning why he even thought about returning such feelings to a man who possibly didn't have them at all.

"My point is that you're absolutely insane, you're insufferable, arrogant, stupid, cocky, would be a complete harlot if you didn't drive everybody bloody mad, and...I...Never mind, I should just go; I'm not entirely sure why I even stopped by in the first place."

With that he got up and made his way to the door, hoping to reach it before the red head could get a hold of him. The vice like grip on his right arm that forced him to turn and face the now seething reaper told him other wise.

"Not everybody can be a computer William, not all of us are some cold calculating ass who doesn't give a damn about anything or anybody."

"Really and here I thought the reason you were harassing me for all of these years was because of how cold I am towards you."

"I can't explain it to you, I want to, but it's hard to explain emotions to somebody who has never felt them."

Will pried Grell's hand from his arm.

"I have no feelings? If I'm correct weren't you the one who had a romantic relationship with that mortal woman, you supposedly loved her, but then you drove a chainsaw through her chest because you grew bored of her. Is that how you show love?"

Grell slapped him hard across the face, he had to admit maybe it was deserved. He felt a tinge of guilt when he looked at the younger man, he was angry and hurt, his eyes wet with tears that he was trying to hold back.

"You fucking bastard."

His voice was shaky.

Will lowered his gaze no longer wishing to look at the other man.

"I'm sorry" He whispered, his cheek still stung from where Grell had hit him.

"I-I think you should get out of here, I really don't want to see you right now."

It would have been a bit of comfort if he'd sounded angry, but he didn't. He sounded hurt and a bit like he wasn't mentally in the present; he was off somewhere else in another time. Will still didn't feel like he could meet his gaze, but he felt that it was likely Grell couldn't look at him either at the moment. He didn't have anything else he could say, anything else would sound pathetic or just more so hurtful. He turned and left, porting back to his own home. He meant everything he had said, but not necessarily to hurt him. He was confused; he'd hidden his emotions even from himself for so long now. Sure they surfaced every once in awhile. Feelings all led back to pain and that was the worst feeling of all; if he cared about Grell it'd only lead to pain, possibly even death. He wasn't sure he was willing to take the risks.


End file.
